How You Speak to Yourself Matters
Our inner dialogue, the way we speak to ourselves in our minds, plays a crucial role in shaping our emotional wellbeing. The words we choose can either empower or disempower, uplift us or drag us down. In this blog post, we'll explore why the language you use when speaking to yourself matters, and more importantly, how you can modify your internal dialogue to support emotional wellbeing. After all, the relationship you have with yourself is the most important one of all.
The Impact of Self-Talk on Emotional Wellbeing
The way we speak to ourselves influences how we perceive the world around us. Positive self-talk can cultivate a mindset of optimism and resilience, while negative self-talk can contribute to feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy. Consider this quote from Julia Cameron:
“What we focus on, we empower and enlarge. Good multiplies when focussed upon. Negativity multiplies when focussed upon. The choice is ours, which one do we want more of?”
The words we use internally carry emotional weight. Negative self-talk can evoke stress, anxiety, and sadness, while positive self-talk can generate feelings of confidence, joy, and self-compassion. Recognising the emotional resonance of your internal dialogue is the first step to positive change. It may seem simplistic to say that speaking positively to yourself will help you to feel more positive… but I challenge you to try it for a day and see for yourself. It may or may not change the circumstances you find yourself in or the outcome, but it will help you to cope better with them.
The language we use internally can also significantly impact our behaviour. Positive self-talk can motivate and encourage, leading to proactive and constructive actions. Conversely, negative self-talk may hinder progress, create self-imposed limitations, and contribute to a cycle of negativity and self-doubt. Take the example of a job interview. If you go into the interview telling yourself, you won’t get the job anyway the likely outcome is that as you predicted you will not. You will not demonstrate the level of confidence in your own abilities and passion for the position that the potential employers are looking for and so they will pass you over for someone else who does. You will leave having received ‘proof’ of your initial assertion that you won’t get the job and a dangerous spiral has begun. On the other hand, go into that same interview telling yourself that you are exactly the candidate they are looking for and you could do a really good job for them, and you stand a much better chance. Ultimately it will come down to who else you are up against on the day but by going in with a positive mindset you’ve significantly upped your odds.
How to start changing how you speak to yourself:
It takes awareness and practice to change how you speak to yourself.
Start by simply noting down every conversation you have with yourself in your quiet moments alone. What negative words and phrases are you using towards yourself? “I’ll never”, “I’m useless at”, “You are too stupid to” are all very common.
When you catch yourself engaging in negative self-talk, challenge those thoughts. Ask yourself if these thoughts are based on facts or assumptions. Often, negative thoughts are distorted perceptions that can be reframed with a more balanced perspective. This can be a real challenge if it is something you’ve heard repeated since childhood or that you have continually repeated to yourself for a long time – a challenge but not impossible to break.
Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a dear friend. When faced with challenges or setbacks, practice self-compassion by acknowledging that everyone makes mistakes and encounters difficulties. Offer words of encouragement to yourself just like you would to your best friend.
Integrate positive affirmations into your daily routine. Or, if this feels a bit weird, simply re-write any negative statements you catch yourself saying in a more positive way. For example “I’ll never” becomes “I can learn to” or “One day I will”
Remember to reflect upon and congratulate yourself on your strengths, successes, and values. It can be helpful to end each day with a simple gratitude ritual, whereby you simply note down three things you have achieved and/or are grateful for from your day.
If you feel you need a bit more support to overcome your inner critic and break through any self-limiting beliefs, then do reach out and book a free discovery call or a one to one Empower Hour and we can put a plan together to take the first steps with my full support.
How you speak to yourself matters profoundly for your emotional wellbeing. By being mindful of your internal dialogue, challenging negative thoughts, and cultivating positive self-talk, you can reshape the narrative of your life. Speak to yourself like you would to a best friend – with kindness, encouragement, and unwavering support. As you embrace positive self-talk, you'll find that your emotional wellbeing blossoms, creating a more compassionate and fulfilling relationship with the most important person in your life – you.